Missing: Confidence ... Reward If Found

I've always considered myself to be a fairly confident person. I usually confront challenges head on. I am not meek or quiet. I am secure about who I am and comfortable with the way I look, feel about myself, & where I am in life. I love roller coasters & want to skydive one day. And I moved all by myself to a foreign country.

How is it that now I am a complete chicken shit about everything???

I've noticed that over the years my driving has slowed down but I always attributed my old lady driving to fear of getting a speeding ticket since I got one & can be fined double if ticketed again. But it seems that the problem has extended beyond my driving.

Remember the story about Tivoli & the ride that scared me? Well, that ride REALLY scared me.

Remember the story of the segway? Well, I was fine on the segway as long as it was on baby stroller speed but once it got kicked up to electric wheelchair speed...well it was all down hill after that.

And today, I tried to ride a bike. Emphasis on the tried. And there was success so long as I stayed in baby ninja turtle speed. If I pedaled 1 pedal too many, I suddenly had a paralyzing fear of...speed?

It reminded me of a few months ago when I tried to ski down a green slope (beginner slope) & suddenly I was paralyzed w/ fear & well...we'll leave it at 2 words: ski patrol.

In that incident, along w/ the segway & the bicycle, each person instructing me would say the same thing: "You're doing better than you think. You just need more confidence in yourself".

Then, the other day, I was having an interesting conversation w/ someone where the topic was fave/least fave qualities about the other...and I was told that I needed to have more confidence.

There's that word again.

But where did my confidence go? Has it always been missing & I just never realized it? Is it hiding in that secret place w/ the all the socks that never make it out of the washing machine? I don't know the answers but I want my confidence back. I don't like being told that I don't have it. I don't enjoy always being the person who 'just can't' do things. I'm afraid of snakes. That's it. That's the only thing I've ever been afraid of so where does this fear come from & how does one shake it off? Don't tell me to confront it b/c then I will just have to tell you my "I touched a snake & am even more afraid of snakes now" story.

If anyone knows where to find my confidence, please let me know. I'd like to have it back. And this time, when I find it, I'm putting that baby under lock & key.